Tuesday, March 13, 2012

In or Out?

I recently read a blog post debating whether IFers (women with infertility) should be public about their infertility. Those who are not public are referred to as closet IFers and those who were public are "out of the closet". I really liked this way of discussing the issue.

I am, obviously, out of the closet with my infertility. I always have been. I am one of those "open book" people. Ask and I'll tell (much to my husbands dismay). The woman who wrote the blog post was a closet IFer trying to come out, but is having a hard time of it.

I find myself asking, "What is the big deal if we shout our infertility from the rooftops?" Then I stop and think about all the times one of my fertile friends gets pregnant and is wracked with guilt because they have to break it to me that they are expecting. And quite honestly I tremble in fear some days when I log into Facebook to see who else is pregnant (the stork is being very liberal with those little bundles these days...someone give the dang bird my address!).

I have definitely thought about running back into the closet, that was never closed, but I think it's too late for me. So, should other IFers stay in the closet?

I don't think so! Infertility is a long, painful, lonely journey filled with guilt that I can't give my husband loads and loads of cute little babies, anger that God would curse me with this affliction that denies me the one thing I want most, frustration that my body is broken, and sadness that nobody understands how hard it is to see that negative pregnancy test month after month.

Who wants to go through that alone? The hard part of being out of the closet with infertility, besides seeing all the cute little baby bumps of course, is helping people understand that it is a medical issue and that if I "stop thinking about it" or "just relax" I'm not going to magically ovulate. And when you try to explain the whole, complicated process of getting pregnant eyes start glazing over. To be honest, I didn't truly understand in detail the process when I went through it all to get pregnant with Tyler. I had a better than high school education understanding, but in the effort to conceive baby #2, I have gained a more complete level of knowledge in regards to how it all works.

So, if you are thinking about coming out of the closet, be ready to explain your situation to brick walls, put on your happy face, and get ready for a whole lot of "advice" that's gonna piss you off!

If you aren't an IFer, but know someone who is, please take the time to listen to them and ask questions, don't give advice, give hugs, and if you get Preggo be sure to let them know, because it sucks to hear it from someone else, and don't shut your IF friends out, because it sucks to be left out more than it sucks to be infertile (most days :P)



Jessie Wyatt said...

Thank you so much for your post... I know exactly where you are at, but for other reasons. I think I will most likely have issues when it is my turn and I'm grateful to know you are there for me. Love you! Jessie

Katie said...

You know it Jessie! Love you!

Anonymous said...

Great post!! So true.....I love totally to anyone and everyone about this im operant issue and am trying to be a crusader for increased finding in Canada! Great blog...I.I just found you!